Raining season

Assalamu’alaikum,

Woke up and rushed getting ready to fetch amir and went to clinic. 

Didn’t have any breakfast so we went to Bello cafe. I ordered breakfast set and chocolate lava just because I craved for chocolate. 

Went home and waited for Saturdate. Didn’t really want to do anything really. Just chilled and searching for videos at YouTube.

Watched Puteri. A 30 mins story. 

Then Hanafi called. 

Brought the car to car wash. 

Went to see a vacuum, atm, chips and chocolate. 

Car was cleaned and washed. Hurried home. Was afraid of being washed again by rain. 

Bapa wished to bring us dinner. After maghrib he said. 

Waited for 40 mins. 

Was looking forward to attend a talk. 

Wasn’t allowed by parents. Being lectured about Hanafi instead. 

Went to Tamu. 

Just stayed in the car, thinking. Shattered. ☔️

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, I’m in the safety zone. I haven’t secured any jobs. That feeling of insecurity still lingers. 

  
Today’s take note:

1) Was happy that the kitten finally accepted me. 

2) I wasn’t alone, but I feel lonely. 

3) Just forget it, and go with the flow.  Be patience. 

4) Things will get better insyaAllah. 

Alhamdulillah.

❤️ dinahappy 🙂

Gratitude

Assalamu’alaikum,

As this blog says, every little things that make me happy. 

I want to change it to every little things that make me say alhamdulillah. 

Is everything that can make you happy good for you? What if that happiness is temporary? Is sadness a bad thing? Joy, anger, sad and disgust. Familiar? 😂

There’s a reason behind everything that happen in your life. For us to learn and reflect. To be a better person. 

In the morning I was teaching my sister in law Iqra. 

Alhamdulillah, our family learned basic Al-Quran from such a young age. We instill the importance of Quran of at least being able to read it. At least praying 5 times a day. Wearing a hijab is a norm for HML family. I think it is because the awareness of our parents of the importance of teaching us religion and practice it. 

Of course it is not too late to learn.

Remember, practicing what you know is more important than knowing without practice. 

Then we went and bought flowers. 😍 
I love flowers. I hope that I can beautify everything that I touch. 😂  

Look at fatih with permanent black marker on his face. Haha 

Today’s take note:

1) Religion is important. So that you have aim in your life. I believe in Islam. Islam is the way of life. 

2) Allah is the Greatest. Recite surah mulk before you sleep or just read the tafseer.  We can’t even live without the presence of water. Who are you to be arrogant with life which is temporary? 

3) I should be cleaning my house more as I am more healthy than my parents. 

4) I should cook more. I love cooking. But bapa said my sambal prawn was tawar. 

Alhamdulillah ❤️🙂

And thank you Hanafi.

❤️dinahappy 🙂

   

When I am 26

Assalamu’alaikum,

I would love to keep updating this journal though I don’t even know if I am going to read it in the future. Maybe I would laugh at myself looking back and reading back what I wrote. 

‘You should write at least one happy thing everyday.’ 

I read that somewhere. 

There are so many happy things happen that in reality we can’t even count it. We’re too comfortable. Used to it. Forget about it. 

I have flu. But I can walk and talk. 

I am 26. But I am not 90. I still have a lot of things ahead, insyaAllah. 

I am alone. Not quite true. I have mama and bapa. My sisters came to our house. Hanafi took me to lunch out. 

I can see. I can hear and listen. 

I have food at home. I have a house to live in. 

My parents are kind people. I am surrounded with peaceful and loving family. Not abusive and not addicted to drugs, na’uzubillah min zalik. 

I have laptop, internet, tv series on my fingertips, tvs, car, money etc. 

What more can I ask for? 

Yet, people will ask for more. And forget to be grateful. 

Gratitude. Giving to others. Not forgetting others. Compassion and hard work. 

Those are things that I am lacking. 

Nothing is wrong of aiming to be wealthy but what’s most important is being wealthy inside. Just like Adam Khoo. His wealth is not for himself but also for others. He helped others as well. He’s giving people work and pportunity for people to earn which in the end to support their own family who need shelter, food and education. Helping people to grow and motivating them. 

“The best of people are those that bring most benefit to the rest of mankind.” [Daraqutni, Hasan]

Rasulullah didn’t mention to muslims only but to mankind. Think. Don’t be a selfish person.

Alhamdulillah for today. Be better tomorrow. 🙂

❤️ dinahappy

Stop waiting start doing

Assalamu’alaikum,

I need to instill the habit of writing early in the morning. Haha. To remember things that I am grateful of in the previous day and to motivate myself in the current day. 

They say that if you do things constantly for 21 days non-stop it can become a habit. 

Yesterday, I got a letter from PB. I opened it with my father in front of mama. Bapa was so confident that I got the job. Little did he know how difficult it is now to get a job. It’s worldwide problem I guess. Not just here. Looking at the oil price now, of course it would be extra difficult. Haha 

My result was 50-50. I wasn’t rejected, alhamdulillah, I wasn’t being offered with job either. I really thought that everytime we apply a job the answer can be either one. 

 
So yeah, my feelings were mixed up yesterday. I have to move on. 

Last night I was also invited to apply for positions at SO company. I was happy about it, it’s better than doing nothing at home and waiting. Being 26 and unemployed is not something that I can proud of. 

I had a deep thought about it last night. Thinking of pros and cons of applying. I don’t want to be choosy but if I were to be selected I want to be committed at that job. Being in the same office with Hanafi, is also not the right thing to do. How can you concentrate on work when I’m around? 🙊 Please don’t hire any women though, just me k. 😆

Also this reminds me of UBDians who got married because they are going to work together. So I decided that I can only work with Hanafi if we are already married. If we’re going to do things togethere I hope that there’s barakah in it. 

Alhamdulillah I made that decision. And now, it’s time to apply more jobs! ☺️ 

The process of me getting a job is quite adventurous. Haha 

  
  

Hmm

Assalamu’alaikum, 

I’m bored… 😔 watching dramas has a negative impact on my life probably. 

I want to go there. 

Aaa.. That place, been there. I miss going there. Travelling.. Going to Korea.. I miss doing activities.. Instead of eating, eating and eating. I miss sightseeing.. I really wanted to go to kebun. 

I don’t know what I’ve been doing lately. Was happy that finally I don’t have to teach anymore but was requested to teach math o level before her exam. It’s okay.. Only two weeks. It’s only two weeks. I don’t really understand why people want to go to tuition school. Isn’t it tiring? 

Going back and forth. Deciding which cloth to wear. Such a waste of time.. And money. If you want to learn.. Learn it yourself. And the teacher that teaches you in school is more professional than your tuition teacher. 

I accepted it anyway.. I just want to help. 

Anyway, probably I should pause a bit.. And go with the flow. Not to think too much. I was tired so easily because of overthinking and anxiety. I need rest I guess. I need some space.. 😔 should I switch off my mobile phone for the whole day tomorrow? 😁 Or should I try switching it off for one week? But hmm… I’m currently waiting a call from PB. Making me so restless..

I don’t like waiting. 

Sleepy

I’m too sleepy to write or type. 

I can’t really get myself into routine of writing, cleaning and following schedule. I should make a new one tomorrow. A new schedule since I’m not teaching anymore. 

I haven’t heard anything from PB and it’s already been two weeks. The good thing is I passed my psychometric test for finance and went for the interview yesterday.

I forgot to bring my ic. Tried to lie to have excuses for not bringing it but eventually I told the truth.

I thought.. Wow. Not a very good first impression. 

Nonetheless I was happy. I was happy not because I did perfectly well for my interview. I was happy because no more interviews to attend. I don’t like interview simply because I don’t like bragging about myself. Since yesterday was my third interviews I was used to it I guess. 

I hope that I can get offer from both. So that I can have that confidence that I am worthy to be hired. Someone who has the right attitude and character. Someone who is wanted to be a part of their team. 

Also.. For myself to move on to the next phase of life. In working environment. 

Today was not as good as yesterday. And yesterday did not end as good as I hoped. 

😔

I was affected by yesterday. 

Shouldn’t be. 

Today must be better than yesterday. Easier said than done right? 

I thought I was being irrational from simple matter. I would say.. Remeh temeh. So I asked grah about it. She didn’t reply because she was sleeping in the morning. 

‘I would angry with the girl. I would blacklist her. But I know you’re not the type of person that would do that.’ She said. 

I don’t know why.. I am someone who is easily biased towards woman. Usually I blame guy instead of the girl. In two timing relationship where there are two girls and one guy, I would blame the guy not the girls. 

Some people would say.. Oh.. Because the first girl did not treat him kindly, so he cheated on her. Hmm.. Isn’t that just his excuse? Men cheat because they are able to cheat. They calculate the consequences, rewards and risks. 

I’m not saying that hanafi cheated on me. 😑 

I don’t like his decision of not telling and his willingness to help without thinking of the consequences. He expected me to be okay because it’s just giving money which took him about few minutes of meeting in front of other people. It wasn’t berduaan. Yeah right. Just thinking about it makes me angry. Haha. Maybe I still haven’t forgive him. If I do then I would forget it but no.. I still remember it. 

To think about it.. I don’t have the right to be angry. I’m not your wife and not even your fiance. 

She said I was one of her friends that she would tell her problems to. But she didn’t even tell me that she borrowed money from hanafi.. And meeting him 10.30ish pm. Maybe she was afraid that I would be angry? But why hanafi? Why don’t you call me instead? Why don’t you text in girls’ group? Maybe because she think that I won’t mind. 

Thank you Hanafi for being kind to me. And being kind to other people too. Thank you for being honest. Please do make a better decision next time. I won’t be okay for a few day.. Or weeks? I don’t know if you can tell. Still hurts. 

If you think it was just a simple mistake, no. 

1) It was late at night. Almost 11. And you’re meeting other girl because she needs help and you want to be a hero somehow. It’s dangerous for her to be alone but you told me that there are other people too at the petrol station.

2) without telling me before you go. Your biggest mistake

3) excuses. You can just wake your siblings up. Is it really that hard? It’s only for few minutes. 

You knew that I would be angry. You risked it anyway. Why? You answered because you didn’t save the number but couldn’t say no. 

I do trust them but I don’t like it. Imagine I would meet a guy in the middle of the night because he lost his wallet and cannot pay for his petrol. I can’t wake my parents up. So I should just go alone and help him. It’s only giving money right? Won’t take long. I would tell hanafi after I gave him money. He won’t mind. I am being helpful afterall. In the end, my intention is good. 

I never met or needed help from any guy at night because most of the time I stayed at home after 10pm. 

I have trouble sleeping even though I’m tired.

Hmm.. Sabar saja. 😢😔 if Allah doesn’t want you to be my husband, then you will never be. If your name was written next to me before the sky was introduced to the sea, then you will be next to me no matter what.. No matter how. 

  

Dream

Assalamu’alaikum,

Today was wonderful. I feel relaxed. ☺️ Hanafi told me of his dream. It’s good to have goals, dreams and aims to keep you motivated. To keep you going. And to be someone who can benefits others. Someone who can become an inspiration to others.

Hanafi’s dream is to have his own company. To pursue MBA after three years. To be acknowledged that you have a callibre to do so and have capability and knowledge of having a big position. To have that vision is something that I awe. 

Then I asked myself. What’s my dream? 

My dream is.. To get married, have children and be a good daughter to my parents. 😳😳😳

But what’s the use of my education? 😂 I experienced 4 years in Uk and 3 years in Oz using government’s money. I should give them back as one of the investments. To be a successful investment. 

Let me gather my thought. If you want to dream, dream BIG. 

For my career, I want to be a professional at my job. Someone that can be a point of reference. I want to be an engineer. Then after 20-25 years, I want to be one the invited lecturers in one of the universities in Brunei, so that I can teach students based on my experience. I want to have land and house assets under my name. At least one of the assets are overseas. At the same time I am one of the shareholder’s for Hanafi’s company. 🙊

For my family, I want 3 sons and 2 daughters. Haha. Daughters are more expensive and difficult to be taken care of when they are older. We have a moderate but sufficient and clean house. No amah. But we have gardener. Because there are buahs, flowers, landscapes and herbs outside our house. All of them are smart, healthy and active in sports. Handsome and beautiful. And most importantly kind and considerate of others. 😂

For my religion, I want all of us including family and friends are active in practicing our religion. Because that’s the core and foundation of our life. Without Islam, what’s the use of our dream? 

So.. The most important dream of all is.. 

To integrate Islam as our way of life. Whether in career, family and society. 

  

Excuse

Assalamu’alaikum,

I have nothing to do. That’s actually a lie. I have a lot of things to do…

I feel a bit sad. 

But things will get better, insyaAllah. I’ll become a good daughter, before being a good wife and a good mother. 

Salam jumu’ah 😊