Sleepy

I’m too sleepy to write or type. 

I can’t really get myself into routine of writing, cleaning and following schedule. I should make a new one tomorrow. A new schedule since I’m not teaching anymore. 

I haven’t heard anything from PB and it’s already been two weeks. The good thing is I passed my psychometric test for finance and went for the interview yesterday.

I forgot to bring my ic. Tried to lie to have excuses for not bringing it but eventually I told the truth.

I thought.. Wow. Not a very good first impression. 

Nonetheless I was happy. I was happy not because I did perfectly well for my interview. I was happy because no more interviews to attend. I don’t like interview simply because I don’t like bragging about myself. Since yesterday was my third interviews I was used to it I guess. 

I hope that I can get offer from both. So that I can have that confidence that I am worthy to be hired. Someone who has the right attitude and character. Someone who is wanted to be a part of their team. 

Also.. For myself to move on to the next phase of life. In working environment. 

Today was not as good as yesterday. And yesterday did not end as good as I hoped. 

😔

I was affected by yesterday. 

Shouldn’t be. 

Today must be better than yesterday. Easier said than done right? 

I thought I was being irrational from simple matter. I would say.. Remeh temeh. So I asked grah about it. She didn’t reply because she was sleeping in the morning. 

‘I would angry with the girl. I would blacklist her. But I know you’re not the type of person that would do that.’ She said. 

I don’t know why.. I am someone who is easily biased towards woman. Usually I blame guy instead of the girl. In two timing relationship where there are two girls and one guy, I would blame the guy not the girls. 

Some people would say.. Oh.. Because the first girl did not treat him kindly, so he cheated on her. Hmm.. Isn’t that just his excuse? Men cheat because they are able to cheat. They calculate the consequences, rewards and risks. 

I’m not saying that hanafi cheated on me. 😑 

I don’t like his decision of not telling and his willingness to help without thinking of the consequences. He expected me to be okay because it’s just giving money which took him about few minutes of meeting in front of other people. It wasn’t berduaan. Yeah right. Just thinking about it makes me angry. Haha. Maybe I still haven’t forgive him. If I do then I would forget it but no.. I still remember it. 

To think about it.. I don’t have the right to be angry. I’m not your wife and not even your fiance. 

She said I was one of her friends that she would tell her problems to. But she didn’t even tell me that she borrowed money from hanafi.. And meeting him 10.30ish pm. Maybe she was afraid that I would be angry? But why hanafi? Why don’t you call me instead? Why don’t you text in girls’ group? Maybe because she think that I won’t mind. 

Thank you Hanafi for being kind to me. And being kind to other people too. Thank you for being honest. Please do make a better decision next time. I won’t be okay for a few day.. Or weeks? I don’t know if you can tell. Still hurts. 

If you think it was just a simple mistake, no. 

1) It was late at night. Almost 11. And you’re meeting other girl because she needs help and you want to be a hero somehow. It’s dangerous for her to be alone but you told me that there are other people too at the petrol station.

2) without telling me before you go. Your biggest mistake

3) excuses. You can just wake your siblings up. Is it really that hard? It’s only for few minutes. 

You knew that I would be angry. You risked it anyway. Why? You answered because you didn’t save the number but couldn’t say no. 

I do trust them but I don’t like it. Imagine I would meet a guy in the middle of the night because he lost his wallet and cannot pay for his petrol. I can’t wake my parents up. So I should just go alone and help him. It’s only giving money right? Won’t take long. I would tell hanafi after I gave him money. He won’t mind. I am being helpful afterall. In the end, my intention is good. 

I never met or needed help from any guy at night because most of the time I stayed at home after 10pm. 

I have trouble sleeping even though I’m tired.

Hmm.. Sabar saja. 😢😔 if Allah doesn’t want you to be my husband, then you will never be. If your name was written next to me before the sky was introduced to the sea, then you will be next to me no matter what.. No matter how.