Hopeful

 Assalamu’alaikum,

I hope I can be a better person with a beautiful heart that put Allah as her first priority. I really do. What would you choose? A person with beautiful heart but ugly appearance or otherwise? Beautiful heart is better but beauty on the outside is also a bonus. 

Read this beautiful love story this morning. Sad but inspiring. Who would sacrifice for the others? This person did. And also, my parents did.

I could not remember how many years bapa was sick with unknown disease. That occurred when I was in my secondary school I think. Doctors called it skin disease. Can’t remember  the exact name of it. Kayap probably. The microorganisms feed on the skin, deep inside. There were pus coming outside the skin and blood (I can’t remember the details though, this was what mama told me). I guess it would smell terrible. Mama stayed by bapa’s side. 

And last year, mama got sick. Really sick. Critical. Almost.. Cannot be helped medically. Alhamdulillah Allah saved her life. Bapa blamed himself. Would do everything for mama. Went to hospital every single day. Not missing even one. This is what I call love. That loyalty in whatever condition you are. Acceptance. And Sabr. 😢 They’ve been together since 1970. So that’s… 45 years.. Wow. Hanafi and I only got together for.. 4 years. Not yet married though. Haha. Long way to go 😂

It’s funny that I did not hear even once their confession of their feelings to each other (I love you or I sayang you or whatever). Their love is expressed in action I guess. That’s the most important in comparison to confessions without actions. Hmm.. But I do think they do though.. Only between them, not in front of their children. Haha 

  

 Hanafi and I went to Paddington Pancakes. Happy happy. Then Hanafi’s home. Then MoE. Then.. 

  

 
I will miss you kittens.😭 Your papa is angry to your mama. Huhu. Self-acclaimed mama. 😔😔😔 sad sad sad.   

Went to rabs house but no rabs in the picture. I thought it was open house but it was actually doa selamat. Haha

  
***sadpostsadpost***Jhjye told me to apply tonight. And I did. I was 💔 for Hanafi’s actions. Tried to support him. Told him everything that I knew. What I did was not good enough… I felt like being punished and blamed.. Of course I want the best for Hanafi. Please manage your time more carefully… 😔 I would be happy if Hanafi   leads me around rather than me nagging him everyday to do his cv/application letter/cover letter and reminding him about marriage etc. What I did probably pressured him more.. 😔 I would love hanafi to keep his words.. Rather than saying things but doing nothing about it. 😔😔😔 
Maybe I should stop membebel.. And just be quiet.. 😢 really… I should stop thinking about marriage.. And should unfollow those marriage related igs… Where should I travel next? 😢😢😢 ***sadpostsadpost***

I still want to make doa for it.. And don’t give up.. Though I feel hurt. 

The reason

 Assalamu’alaikum,

Lots of things happened these three days. Mix of feelings. Moodswings. Happy. Sadness. Angry. Most probably stress. I don’t like these three negative emotions though I know we can’t be happy 24 hours. I don’t know the real reasons though. Or maybe the reason is not that important. This is just a beginning. I don’t want a stressful life and yet of course there will be struggles and difficulties waiting in front of us. 

Just remember ‘verily there’s ease with every difficulties’. Why is it not difficulties then ease? Why with?  Because every difficulties there are solutions for it. Don’t worry. Just ask your Big Boss if you have any problems. Don’t stress yourself. Be patient. 

I love going out with mama and bapa. At the same time, I hate to encourage them of buying durians. Mama said, ‘Nanti lagi’ but then she went out with bapa to buy more durians today. 😂 Of course bapa would dulur mama, the love of his life. ❤️

  

Mama, who loves fruit so much.   
Yana called that night to babysit hassan and fatih. They were okay by the time I arrived though. Haha  

This was the day after. Cute kittens. I wish that I had kittens af home. On the second thought, no.   

Those eyes. Huhuhu  

Hanafi, the daddy.  

This was the second day of the week that we’re together. Happy. Happy. 

Hanafi, I’m happy to be with you but sometimes I doubt whether you feel the same thing with me. Recently Hanafi was angry at me more frequently with me.  Was it because of me? Being pushy. Was it because of me that cause him to be stressed? I am trying to be supportive but at the same time I want to push him to do his best. What happened last year traumatized me. I don’t want the same thing happen again. I don’t to destroy Hanafi’s future. Thinking about this making me stressed and sad. (The state of my room is the same as the state of my mind, so I know that I’m actually stressed). Work application and future. This is just the beginning insyaAllah. Need to be calm. 😔💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

To make people happy, yourself need to be happy k? Man la yarham la yurham. If you don’t love, you have to love. At the same time, you need to love yourself first to love anyone. That’s the theory. Often I forget.

 

Then Hanafi accompanied me to the finance division. Looking at the office environment, I would love to work there. I am not that great though.. Huhu. In comparison to 100+ candidates.. With Allah’s will, insyaAllah. Bapa said, ‘Doa selalu lepas solat.’ Yes, insyaAllah.😊

‘Janji Allah sentiasa benar.’  

Perplex

Assalamu’alaikum,

‘Wake up. Yana bought you a martabak’, said bapa. 

Hurried and go downstrairs but couldn’t find any martabak. Ooo.. The martabak had not arrived yet. 

Hanafi texted me to come to his small makan makan. Nervous a little bit. Excited maybe. Didn’t have any afternoon nap for that. Texted grah to accompany me. And she did.

   
 
Always awkward in posing together. Always. 

  
Hmm.. Better one I think. 

It was okay. Made me realise to think more of our future, hmm.. More to my future. Hanafi need to get less sleep and exercise more. Not saying I’m better than Hanafi. I also need to get fit. Huhu. 

Also made me realise I texted a lot with Hanafi. Went out a lot with Hanafi. Maybe it’s time for me to let go so Hanafi can focus more on his family and friends or his career or his study or his future. Maybe it’s time for me to stand on my feet, on my own. Not to depend too much on Hanafi. I don’t know. It’s up to him, really. Thinking about this makes me sad.

Studying till I get master was my original plan before I applied to Imperial. Degree at Imperial – Master in Australia – Get a job – Get married – have family.

Now, 

Degree at Imperial – Degree at ITB – Degree at UNSW – Master (?) / Get a job (?) / Get married (?). It’s so unclear and I’m getting older. 

I am happy, I do, but my future is a little bit blur. What job do I want? What do I really want to do? Hmm… I wish to support family, to help Brunei, to have my own family and help people. 

Remember, the ultimate purpose in day to day life is to please Allah. Whatever rizq that is given to me is from Allah and with Allah’s will. Alhamdulillah. I often forget.

Thank you Hanafi for inviting me to your house.😊 

 Nad and I also went to zimah’s house and met Sharifah and Cici there. Zimah lives with her ninis. She’s beautiful outside and deep inside her heart. Thanks for inviting us! Her nini asked us to come more often. 

Alhamdulillah for today ☺️

Unexpected

Assalamu’alaikum,

The kingdom of unexpected treasure, yup, that’s Brunei. 

Woke up early, 1.30am in the morning by mama. Shocked the tube went out of the throat. Tried to push it but couldn’t. ‘Painful’, mama said. Who would have heart to push tube to their own mom? Can doctors even do it to their own mom? Hee.. But at that time I thought, why didn’t I become a doctor? 😂

Mama, bapa and I went to the hospital. It took 2 doctors and 1 nurse to push the tube back inside the throat. Felt ngilu to think of it. Alhamdulillah it was a success but I still worry if there’s any complication as a result of that. I saw blood this morning came out of mama’s throat. Huhu. Get well soon mama. 

  
The doctor said it’s because of the looseness of the band around mama’s neck. He does not really know the real reason how did that happen. The nurse said maybe mama was mengigau last night and loosened the band. 😂 

The I went asleep probably at 3.30ish am and woke up at 11.30 am. 😂 So not ladylike. Ha ha. 

Hanafi asked if I can beraya with him to her friend’s house. I did. The food was soo nyaman and the cottage was lovely and cute. It’s like english country cottage. Oswestrians did stay one week at one of our teacher’s house and we did visit Liza’s home once. Hmm.. Yeah. Brings back memories. 

   
    
    
    
  
Cute right? I don’t dream to be like Martha Stewart ish mother. Sorry Hanafi. My dream is not that big. I want to be a boss or CEO or a founder of a big company that even my great great great great grandchild know my name. Hahaha. See Hanafi? It’s that simple 😏
   
 
Bapa’s friend went to our house for a raya. Adorable kid! Half vietnamese half bruneian. He only understands vietnamese. Cute.

Alhamdulillah for today. ❤️☺️

Reunion and Reunion

Assalamu’alaikum,

Woke up 6ish in the morning. 

‘I need to clean’.

Ok.. Zzzz

7am. Oh no.. Have to wake and mop mop mop.

Bapa: Why didn’t you tell me earlier what order?

Haha.

I decided to have mini makan makan, girls only event. I love gatherings. I love being connected. Though my presence is not the upmost important. That feeling of socializing a bit. Most probably I need that. 

Alhamdulillah, the original plan was actually mini event just for the oswestrians but I thought.. Alang alang to order food then only invite 4 of them. Then I invite more friends though not all. 

I love having them at my house, at the same time I feel a little bit tired. Moving around the house with only few helpers. Lina helped me a lot. In fact, she helps people a lot. She’s a ringan tangan person. Love to help people. 

And yes, we chit chat chit chat. And grah brought his ehem ehem but I forget to take their picture. Noo.. Missed the chance.

   

Zayd is so cute.. Wonder if I can actually handle kids while having a house to take care of and work full time, and be a supermom. Hmm.. Wow. 

Then Hanafi went to the house to take briyani tapau. Can he handle the spiciness. 😏

  
Sushii 😍😍😍 awesome mini makan makan by izyan. Especially for us. Aww.. It was a last minute decision, we only decided during lunch time? Thank you izyan for having us. Sorry I was late as always. 

  
Her adik, munirah, is soo cute and clever. 7yrs old just like ayub. 

Thank you girls! 😘 and thank you mama and bapa for being supportive. Alhamdulillah 😊

Excuse no more

Assalamu’alaikum,

Wow. Now I can’t type while bawing bawing. Hehe. I’m using my phone to write this blog. How cool is that? No more excuse not to write then. 😂😂😂 Owhh.. And there’s emoticons too. Yayy 

I went to hospital with mama and bapa this morning after babysitting Fatih. I missed my anak buahs so much that I want to spend more time with them. It’s quite peaceful in the house and quiet too. But I’m not ready to have child on my own. I need to work first. 

 
We ate lunch at Bali Paradise (again. Haha. Don’t judge). Thinking how blessed am I to eat in the restaurant again with mama and bapa. Something that is only done with my other siblings only if there is special occasion. Really, our children will be busy with their own life in the future, so you need to work on your relationship with your spouse as you’re going to spend your time with him/her for the rest of your life (unless you have a ketinggalan child like me). We also met bapa and mama’s lecture at maktab. He’s 79 years old and can still walk and healthy. I believe those who use their brain more tends to be more healthy mentally and physically (my own theory. Heh) Dalil naqli: don’t stop learning till you die

Then I went to Hanafi’s friend’s girlfriend’s openhouse. Look at those three apostrophes! Good to know someone new but I can feel generation gaps there.  Oh well. I had fun. I think. There’s obvious differences in mindset or probably I’m the different one. 😂

Then we went shopping together. Thank you Hanafi for accompanying me again.  

 
Hehe. I like this picture. Thanks Bash.

  

Fiqah invited us to her mini open house. Everyone is probably anxiously waiting for the one I think (except Kimah and I and Izyan, haha) since they have everything (degrees/masters/job). Pick up lines, office open house, calon were the main topics. Hmm.. I am okay maybe because I think.. I already have hanafi even though he’s not my bf.. Only calon 🙊

Alhamdulillah. And hanafi, when you’re reading this, don’t be so kambang. ❤️

Istiqamah

Assalamu’alaikum,

Sorry, I haven’t updated in a while. Since last sunday was it? It’s not that I was busy. It’s just… I had a lot of thinking inside my head. Need to declutter a bit. haha

Look at that glowing face. Me so jelly. She inspired me to be better, and to aim for that barakah in life. Yes, that’s the most important thing. Success in dunia and akhirat. Need to work on that.

Look at this one below. Hehe. Teddy bear gift from my nephew’s gf. Not to me. To my nephew. So cute. I wonder how they feel to each other really. Hanafi and I.. didn’t really exchange gift unless if there’s special occasion, I think. We probably need to do that more… after marriage perhaps. Haha. Not now. Kapih kapih.  Still babysitting. And now he’s better behaved than before. It’s the last nanny job for me. Gonna miss it.

New Aircond! Ha.

Need to declutter.. declutter.. declutter..

Owh. And I got my result today. I got 2.1 for my degree. Alhamdulillah. Need to move on to the next level and phase of life. 😉 #prayformetogetadecentjob #needmoneytomaintainandcleanmyhouse #Ifotgotwealsoneedmoneytoeatwhyisitnotmyfirstpriority #whylonghashtaghoho #tillnexttimeinsyaAllah

New nanny on the go

Assalamu’alaikum,

According to this website http://globaledge.msu.edu/countries/brunei/economy :

‘Crude oil and natural gas production account for 60% of GDP and more than 90% of exports.’

Ha. And now oil price is as low as $48 per barrel, almost half as last year’s price. Of course, Brunei can’t stop producing, it’s our country’s source of income. In term of education, bruneians are mostly educated and flooded with graduates from universities either local or overseas.

But most of Bruneians still depends on amah or housekeeper including us. Then I got the idea… what if I establish online nanny company. Those who are still unemployed or waiting for a-level or o-level results can join and become a nanny anytime they want. And they can ask how much they charge per hour or per day or per month. Like airbnb, but instead of bnb, it’s airnanny. haha. Or airhousekeeper. So you can rate nanny and the nanny can rate the employee. Both employer or nanny cannot mistreat each other. And people can judge based on the rating and comments. They can contact each other by themselves. It’s just an idea. This can help local bruneians and also struggling overseas who stay in Brunei. The founder of the company, Hanafi and I, are only the mediator who are in charge of the website. Should we name it http://www.BNannyonthego.com. Like the idea hanafi? 😉

Of course, being a nanny is not the easiest job in the world. The most important thing is COMMUNICATION with the parents and SABR.

Look at Hassan. Sound asleep. Kidding. He was only sleeping for less than an hour.

Fatih and her unique ideas.

Aha. No trousers. Haha. Thank you Hanafi. For accompanying me.

Jjangmyun for my lunch/hitea. Haha. Not my fav.

But this definitely is my fav.

Another family gathering.

Was being silly. Haha. Sorry Lina. You were not in the picture but you were there.

Such a memorable day. Alhamdulillah.

Ohh that delicious cheesecake

Assalamu’alaikum,

I was supposed to post yesterday but I didn’t. I changed my mind thinking to sleep early yesterday but I didn’t. Oh well. I should’ve made a habit to write before I go to sleep. To be thankful before I go to sleep. 🙂

We went to Ros’ and Bungsu open house yesterday. I looove the cheesecake. Made by cousin. Yummy!

And after that.. guess what. Lina, Hani, Susan and I went to Agrotech for ‘training’. 

Beautiful flowers. How I wish I can be a great gardener someday. 

Look at that tall orchid.

Another wishful thinking.. I want to buy those orchids, flowers and herbs. And and give people if I am good at keeping the plants healthy. 

And I thought.. I should buy this. To have a long and healthy life. It’s only $5. But oh.. I didn’t bring my wallet. ha ha

It was the first time we and our sister in law hang out together. It was fun. This should be our weekly session.

Last but not least. We went to Bash’s house. I said to Hanafi, ‘InsyaAllah I’ll be ready at 7.30.’ But I was 15 mins late.

**sadpostsadpost**[ Yesterday was the first time we go beraya together. I was happy Hanafi and I were colour coordinated even though he read the text that I sent after he went out. But probably I was the only one who was excited to see us with same colour outfit for raya. I was a little bit sad for that.. and other little things. So.. I don’t want to ask again. Hee… Probably beraya together with him was not a good idea. I am the only one who is excited the idea of beraya together with him. Feel like one-sided. Haha. It’s okay 😥  ]**sadpostsadpost**

Thank you to Hanafi for fetching me to Bash’s house. Good to see bash. I was happy to be invited. I am blessed to have her as my friend. I believe she will be a good mother someday (and of course a good wife). Good cook and pengingau similar to her mother but she doesn’t realise it just yet.

Alhamdulillah for yesterday. I hope I post another one tonight. 🙂

We celebrate eid one whole month. Yes, we do.

Assalamu’aikum,

Went to Syaz’s open house. Can’t believe it’s already 4 years since I left Imperial and it only seems like yesterday. Hehe. Kidding. I would say.. Only Allah knows the best what his plan for me is. I may not know everything just yet but I can see I made good friends when I was in UK. Alhamdulillah.

And yes, I was late for Yana’s new house doa selamat. The sunset was beautiful. MasyaAllah. I didn’t know (or I wasn’t that appreciative as I am now) that Brunei has beautiful sunset. I took the picture when I was driving in front of the soon to be Brunei Main Police Office. Too dangerous and risky. Only I can do it. hehe

Here Fatih with his very gigitan posed.

Both Yana and Ish family gathering. We were sharing food (or fighting? haha) like people who are fasting.

Look at that. Macam cucur panas. Me as a Halal Barista, more to like Marista (Milo + creamer). Hehe. Next time I shall sell it $5 each.

And have to bring 8 large milo kutak instead of 3. And 5 creamer instead of 2. I forgot I have 26 anak buahs to serve. haha

Azraf with his unique play house. Kids nowadays. Again, every little things deserved alhamdulillah.

PS, Hanafi thanks for coming. 🙂